Colon Explosion

So the colonoscopy is finished. It was such a non-event, with the prep being the worst of it. I managed to ask the doctor if he'd found Jimmy Hoffa up there, and that's all I remember until I was told they were finished and I was in recovery. There's no indications of colon cancer, nor does it appear that I have Crohn's Disease. The doctor put me on Colestid, one tablet twice a day. I plan on being back to work no later than a week from tomorrow (Friday.)

There's the abridged version, I'll update this tomorrow with a more thorough highlight reel.

It's A Colon Explosion!!

The first post here in almost 3 months, and it's about pooping. Ah, such is my life...

I've been off work since May 7th because of two issues. One, I was told I have a hernia. Two, I poop all the time. Seriously, it sucks. So, my primary care doctor told me I was dehydrated and malnourished, so I went on short-term disability. Fast-forward over a month later and I'm finally having a colonoscopy to determine what's causing my poop issue, along with the abdominal pain (the CT Scan was clear, so no hernia apparently.) I was supposed to have the colonoscopy last week, but I wasn't cleaned out enough. So, here's the low-down on what happens when you have a colonoscopy.

For the last week I've not been allowed any foods with nuts or seeds. Not really a big deal, as I'm not a big nuts and/or seeds eating person.

Yesterday, two days before the invasion, I had to drink 2 ounces of Milk of Magnesia after dinner. It wasn't the flavor of the Milk of Magnesia so much as the texture. It had the consistency of snot, and was also gritty. Also, no eating after midnight, so I haven't eaten since 10PM yesterday.

Today, it gets fun. No red or purple liquids, and no real food. I'm allowed broth, bouillon, tea, etc, as long as I can see through it, and it isn't red or purple. Additionally, I get to drink 4 liters of TriLyte, a laxative. It tastes like really weak Orange Kool Aid with an entire container of salt dumped in for good measure. Seriously, it's fucking horrible and I'm going to chase it with Sprite or 7-Up as soon as my Mom gets here with my supplies delivery (Sprite or 7-Up, broth, freezer pops and moist butt wipes.) Seriously, the moist butt wipes are a must!!! My Mom has to get it for me because I can't leave the damned house (shut up.)

I just drank the first cup of the TriLyte stuff, and who knows how long it'll take to work. All I know is the Milk of Magnesia worked in less than 12 hours, so if I ever can't poop, that's what I'll drink first.

Guess I'll watch TV...